I want to be real with you all for a minute and talk about how to deal with mommy guilt once baby #2 arrives. I dealt with some major mommy guilt when Nyah was born, especially after all of our company left. Liam is my world, and our lives revolved around him 24/7 for two years. We knew we wanted another baby, but we were all a little rocked by Nyah’s arrival, especially in dealing with her unknown milk allergy and colic-like symptoms for the first 2-3 months of her life.
There were plenty of nights where I just sat in the chair in Liam’s room during story-time and cried. I felt like I was missing out on my sweet boy because I was taking care of a screaming, crying baby all day long. I was sad, and Liam was sad too. Our relationship changed, he latched on to Daddy more, and that was hard for me.
Over the past four months, things have gotten much better. We’ve found our rhythm, and we are dancing together (for the most part). Yes, there are still days when there are tantrums, hitting, too many YouTube videos, and I lose my patience. I am not perfect.
I know so many of my friends are expecting their second baby any day now, or in the near future, and I wanted to share my thoughts on how to deal with mommy guilt.
How to Deal With Mommy Guilt:
1. Remind yourself of the incredible gift you are giving your child – a sibling – a best friend for life. Even though it seems hard in the moment, and your first-born may show signs of jealously or difficulty adjusting, in the long run they will love their brother or sister so much!
2. Repeat: My children are loved. Give yourself grace. Despite what you may be feeling, you are only one person and you can only do so much. Love on your children the best you can in the moment – they know you love them.
3. Breathe. Think about what you are grateful for. I am grateful that I am able to stay home with both of my babies – there are days where it is so hard & I second guess myself – but I know that it’s what is best for our family.
4. Take some time to yourself. This is really important, and something that I personally need to work on. As moms, we tend to put ourselves last, and lose ourselves somewhere between changing diapers and doing dishes. Take time out every week to do something for yourself so you don’t end up so completely worn out.
5. Not everyday needs to be perfect. When it was just Liam, we went on so many adventures: zoo trips, story-times, aquarium, park playdates, etc. We were always on the go and I know that Liam loved it! Now we are a family of 4, and Nyah is still napping every 1 – 1 1/2 hours, some days we don’t leave the house, and that’s ok. We’ve learned to be creative. We play with PlayDoh, pretend we are firemen, make a zoo with all of his animals, have tea parties, make crafts, etc. Some days I feel like an amazing mom, and some days I’m just a good-enough mom. And that’s fine.